Monday, June 25, 2012

More retail bullshit

It's 1:40am and I'm feeling cranky, so here's more retail bullshit.

So I love it when I'm working late night, closing shift, and it's 9:30pm.

The store closed half an hour ago.

And some wing ding is knocking on the door. Our policy is that if the store is closed, no one is allowed in unless a manager gives the approval. 9 times out of 10 though, the answer is "Sorry, we're closed."

But instead of letting me just shut the sliding doors and lock them to get back to my business, fixing up all the crap these velociraptors of people left in the store while I happily rang them up for 8 hours, they inevitably stop me and say "BUT MY PET WILL STARVE."

Okay. Let me make something very clear. Animals and people for that matter, can survive without food for at LEAST a day or more. You will not starve to death in ONE day. Second, if your pet is going to starve, MAYBE YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE BEEN A NEGLIGENT PINHEAD AND GOTTEN YOUR DOG SOME FOOD BEFORE YOU RAN COMPLETELY OUT OF IT.

Seriously. These people think they will guilt me into letting them buy food for their dog or pet or whatever by telling me how their pet will starve. Except by telling me that, all they are admitting is that they are a negligent asshole and didn't think to buy their pet some fucking food before the store closed 30 minutes ago. Seriously. It's 9:30 fucking pm. What were you doing all day? Even if you worked a job, you probably arent getting out of work at 8 or 7 or something, but probably 5pm like everyone else. So you had 4 fucking hours to get here and buy some damn food. And then, if you work a job that doesnt let out at 5, chances are you work a night shift, like I'm trying to do. No matter how you slice it, even if you get out at some weird ass time like 8:45, there should be NO reason why you cant make it here to buy food for your dog. And if you KNOW thats what time you'll be out, and you KNOW 9pm is when our store closes, why dont you THINK AHEAD and buy some food on a day you ARENT trying to sprint around from township to township to get some crappy, unhealthy dog food for your dog.

Here are some actual lines people have fed me to get into the store:

"My dog is gunna starve!"

"I just wanna get ONE more thing!"

"Can I use your bathroom? Also I really need to buy some dog food..."

"YOU'RE KILLING MY ANIMALS!!!"

"You're a terrible person if you dont let me in and buy some dog food"

"I thought you people CARED about animals, but you want MINE to starve to death?"

"You've GOTTA let me in or my dog will DIE tonight!"


And you know what the best part of all this is? By 9:30, all the registers are closed. Meaning there is literally nothing I can do, even if I let them in. If I said "Yeah! Come on in!" They'd come in, shop around, get to the register, and then be unable to do ANYTHING because they are all closed for the night. They will literally not work at all until the next morning. But no. It's YOUR fault their dog will die, because it's owner forgot to buy some food sooner and figured they could still race to the store in time after watching the American Idol finale.

Seriously people. Grow the hell up, and take some damn responsibility for your own negligence...

Sunday, June 3, 2012

Shit that happens to me 2

Well, I had a lovely morning again with Ms. Flower Delivery Lady.

Once again she called my cell and said "Hello? John Hooker?"

"Sorry ma'am...you have me again."

*click*

Thats the conversation verbatim. I wonder if I'll get any more calls from her. She seems nice and I kinda wanna help her find this John guy.



So since that entry is a bit short, let me add to it with some other lovely observations I've noticed while working a retail job. If you've ever worked any kind of job ever, or even just went to a store of any kind, you've seen these people and it's scary...

The Paranoid Checkout Conveyor Belt Shopper:

I dont know how many times I can say it, but the conveyor belt on the register line is AUTOMATIC. IT MOVES ON IT'S OWN.

I'll be ringing someone up, and I'm rather swiftly moving their items across the table scanner and into a plastic bag, and if they are in single file, the conveyor belt will move on it's own. Theres a small sensor at the VERY end that detects when it is being blocked. If anything passes in front of it, the belt stops. Once the item is taken away, it automatically moves the belt again, bringing the cashier the next item.

So with this in mind, can someone tell me why THIS always happens:

*boop*

*table moves a bit, person behind current customer slides their products back*

*boop*

*same as above*

*boop*

*same as above but with annoyed grunt from next customer*

*boop*

"COULD YOU PLEASE STOP THIS THING?! I AM TRYING TO GO THROUGH MY BAG AND IT KEEPS MOVING!!"

Well excuse the fuck out of me, lady. First off, as I said, the belt is automatic. Second, why should I turn the belt off just for you, so you can look through your bag or purse or whatever on that SPECIFIC spot in the line? Are you paying yet? No. The person AHEAD of you is. And then, this even happens when they ARE the person paying. Only then it makes even LESS sense because by the time they step up to the front of the line, THERES A SMALL DESK THEY CAN PUT THEIR BAGS ON. THATS WHAT IT IS THERE FOR.

GOD. I am NOT out to get you. I am not stepping on a little foot pedal to make the conveyor belt move at the worst time for you. Maybe if you'd just let your bag get to the END of the belt and let the belt stop ITSELF, you wouldn't be wrestling with it!

Even better is when someone sees me ringing up products and they put down the black bar thingy to separate their order from the one I am currently working on. Fair enough. But then as I ring things up, THEY GRAB IT AND MOVE IT BACK TO SEPARATE IT ANYAYS. Well genius, if you're going to do that anyways, why bother trying to shimmy that fucking bar in there? You were just going to push all your groceries to the beginning of the belt anyways where it will travel down the line AND THEN YOU'LL DO IT OVER AGAIN.

Seriously. That black bar is there to let the cashier know anything beyond it is a new order. We are not so inept and stupid that we cant figure that out. And if you were going to move the whole thing back anyways, bar and all, why bother with the bar?

The Paranoid "THAT'S NOT MINE" Shopper

Only thing I hate worse than people going  "No...no...no...no NO NO NONONONONONO" when they see their bag or groceries very sloooowly move to the front of the register belt is when you accidentally ring up someone else's product.

So I'm boopin' along, scanning cans and taking names, when another can of similar size and label color comes along and I accidentally scan it, or maybe it's a dog toy after scanning a long line of dog food. Whatever the case its. I scan it, and the person I'm ringing punches me in the face and screeches at me "THATS NOT MINE HOLY SHIT."

Okay, maybe they dont punch me in the face, but I've had so many people have minor heart attacks when I scan an item that isn't theirs than I care to count. They make it seem as though there is no possible way for me to just go back and DELETE the item. it's seriously just two buttons away!

"Delete"

"Are you sure?"

"Yes"

"The Universe has returned to balance..."

Calm down people. Seriously. Most stores will gladly refund you for whatever extra item you are charged, especially if they see the receipt was printed THAT DAY, or hell, if you just review your receipts before walking away, you can have it changed right then and there!

Even weirder is when the person BEHIND them flips out. "THATS MINE!!" Okay!! Geez! Dont bite my head off! What's it to you anyways? If the person ahead of you pays for it, you wont be charged extra for an item you DIDN'T want, and it's not like the store will never have this particular item that was WRONGFULLY stolen from you and given to someone else ever again...

And this is just some of the shenanigans at the register. It gets MUCH worse at other parts of the store. People are insane creatures who lack a sense of....common sense!! It's only groceries people. We have bionic body parts, space stations, phones with internet, and computers that can beat Russians at chess. I THINK it's possible for this "lowly" cashier to delete that item he accidentally scanned, and I'm sure he hopes you can figure out how the fucking conveyor belt works before you smash open someone's head the next time it moves your bag a few inches.